(Reuters) Congresswoman and soon to be Undersecretary of State Ellen Tauscher (D-Alamo), shocked national and international diplomacy and fashion circles today when she announced she would wed Osama bin-Laden in a wedding to be held at a secret location in Nairobi this June.
Supporters were elated for the couple and were relieved that the secret was finally out as a 2-year tryst between Tauscher and bin-Laden was about to be exposed on Entertainment Tonight.
“This is the reason Ellen was named to State,” said a source close to the couple. Indeed, President Barack Obama has agreed in principle to name Tauscher as a special envoy to al Qaeda in the hopes of reaching a detente with Fascist Islamic terrorism.
The happy couple plans to honeymoon at bin-Laden’s villa in Iran before they take up their trendy bi-mountain lifestyle; spending time between semi-permanent residences in a lavishly remodeled cave nestled in the hills overlooking downtown Kabul, Afghanistan, and a brownstone walkup in the rolling countryside of Pakistan near the Afghan border.
The couple registered at Target and Penney’s.
With a twinkle in his good eye, bin-Laden—clowning his world famous Johnny Carson imitation—said he was looking forward to riding Ellen like a goat. “Barefoot, naked, and in the pen at the back of the cave, that’s the right place for women.”
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Ha! Thanks Theodore. I’m guessing that disdain that no one has ever called you “Ted”.
It’s infantile and mildly offensive, but far more stupid than shocking. It’s unfortunate Mr. Kaplan didn’t understand that acknowledging and responding to it only heightened the enjoyment for those responsible, and provided the bulk of the enjoyment for those of such low intellect and standards that they’d even bother to defend it.
Of course, it’s well within the bounds of parody and satire, just as loudly farting in a restaurant is not illegal – and both are highly entertaining to the same caliber of people.
I only comment in this instance to offer some unsolicited but reliable advice for the future. Next time, Mr. Kaplan (and given the enjoyment they’ve derived this time around, they will undoubtedly look forward to a next time), ignore it. Next time and every time, don’t give them the satisfaction of letting them know you or your boss are even aware of it. Soon you’ll see they’ll eventually grow so impatient for a shocked reaction that they’ll even send anonymous e-mails trying to make SURE you see what ever it is, desperate to goad a shocked response. No matter – continue to rise above and ignore it.
Like the public farter, the weenie wagger and the adolescent boy drawing pictures of penises on the classroom chalkboard, the fun for them is in the shocked response. Don’t give them one.
~ EDITOR REPLIES — Pull my thumb? Weenie wagger? It’s refreshing to see at least one reader pretend to be above it all. My faith in hypocrisy is restored.
It’s always interesting to see how partisanship and gender influence cheesy ideas concerning what is or isn’t humour.
The liberals at the public relations office are crying foul play on April Fool’s Day. The jokes on you Jon! And we’re all laughing out loud!
I disagree: the item on Tauscher is VERY funny.
you’ll have some trouble proving libel on an april fools day post that’s clearly satire jonathan.
i suggest you head down to the lost and found, i think they may have your sense of proportion, as well as your sense of humor. and your clown shoes.
Johnathan,
Congresswoman Tauscher is a creature of the D.C. system, and is therefore fair game for any kind of satire, derision, or lambasting; up to and including tar & feathers if required.
Besides which, anyone dumb enough to say (in public) that “we should keep guns out of the hands of criminals and those with history of violence” with a straight face needs some serious wall-to-wall counseling. Talk about a “duurr” moment… What’s next, “don’t run with scissors,” or “sticking your finger into a wall outlet is a bad idea?”
I laughed.
Never heard of parody, eh, Jonathan?
Go do some actual work, you overpaid government twit.
Message:
Please call me, 202.225.1880.
The item on Ellen Tauscher is offensive, unacceptable and libelous. Worse, it’s not even funny. Please remove it at once.
Jonathan Kaplan
Communications Director
Name: Jonathan
Email: jonathan.kaplan@mail.house.gov
Phone:
Website:
~ EDITOR REPLIES — We encourage Tauscher friends and constituents from CD-10 to call the number above to make sure you know where to send wedding gifts. Ask if there is a Congressional APO. Ask for Jon, the wedding planner.