I have my people take me there early in the mornings on weekends, and we try to leave before the assholes show up with the gangsta dogs, attitude and hangovers. There’s a nice group of dogs that have their people bring them in the afternoons before sunset. Very nice.

Now I hear (finally) that Concord City Council is considering again the request to install lighting at the Paw Patch! At first I thought this was great idea, but then began to think about it. It just doesn’t smell right and here’s why:

1. This just isn’t the time to spend money on such a luxury. Only police dogs deserve that kind of respect.

2. Sadly, spending money on lights for the Paw Patch won’t keep the idiots out and the only thing it will do is better expose the ton of poop that negligent owners don’t bother to clean up. Watch your step.

3. Among the soccer players and seasonal Bocce player sightings, there is enough activity at Newhall to make strolling on leash with your people at dusk a relatively safe and enjoyable experience. Lights not required.

4. One concession Council ought to consider, though, is unlocking the gate so dog owners could park in the gravel area past the Bocce courts to accommodate the many senior pets that visit the Paw Patch. How hard could that be? And it won’t cost anything!

Woof.

The Food Bank needs the help of many volunteers to complete the required number of surveys during the specified time period. We will be conducting interviews everywhere. You do not need to be an experienced social scientist! You just need to be able to read out loud, listen sympathetically and record the answers people give to the questions. We provide two and a half hours of training for all volunteers which includes practice using the survey instrument. We will make every attempt to schedule times and places for you to interview that are convenient for you.

We last did a Hunger Survey in 2005. There have been lots of changes in our communities since then. But hunger is still here. Please help us discover the details about why people need to come to our programs. If you are interested in helping with the Hunger Survey, please let Lindsay know at 707-421-9777 or 925-676-7543 x204.

So it is with the Concord Naval Weapons Station as people trip over themselves promising mass suicide if the new CNWS is not universally recognized as “world-class.” People are pumping so much sunshine up each others’ assholes that if we could put a cork in it we’d solve the domestic energy shortage in less than a week; or three more CAC hearings, whichever comes first.

Put a sock in it people. Please. And learn to express original thoughts instead of vomiting buzz terms as if you know what they mean.

Cause no one else really does.

Thanks; I feel so “value-added,” now.

On Saturday, Nov. 29, local authors and members of the California Writers Club will be at the Pleasant Hill Barnes & Noble bookstore (552 Contra Costa Blvd.) from 11 a.m. until 6 p.m. to talk to Contra Costa County middle school students about the group’s annual Young Writers Contest and FREE writing workshops. Special guest Harry Potter will also be on hand.

Students from all over the county have participated in this contest and workshops each year, inspiring them to write. Besides earning an opportunity to chat with published writers, many students come away with prizes, kudos and a possible head start to a future as a writer.

Need another incentive? How about cash? Twenty-seven sixth-, seventh-and eighth-grade winners will share $1,575 in prize money and attend a banquet where they hobnob with authors of many genres. Need a bigger nudge? Maybe free chocolate rings your chimes.

Need to do a little multitasking? Check a few names off your gift list while you’re at Barnes & Noble — just think of all the gift-giving events coming up in the months ahead: holidays, birthdays, Mr. Dumbledore’s anniversary as headmaster, broom-christening parties, pet frog and rabbit adoptions . . . .

Present a sample voucher you’ll receive from the authors, and Barnes & Noble will donate a percentage of your purchase to help support the Young Writers Contest.

Oh, yes: and about Harry Potter. Look for him in the Target/Toys R Us parking lot. He’ll be the one with the Hogwarts robe and a menacing cloud of helium balloons. One of those balloons (while supplies last) will contain a $20 gift card redeemable at Barnes & Noble.

The awards were announced on November 17 at the 19th National Trails Symposium in Little Rock, Arkansas. A local presentation of the award will be made to Torlakson at the Delta Protection Commission’s meeting at 5:30 p.m. on Thursday, November 20, in Stockton at the San Joaquin County WorkNet Building Conference Room, First Floor, 56 South Lincoln Street.

The Delta Protection Commission nominated Senator Torlakson for the national honor in recognition of his vision in the creation and initial planning stages of the Great California Delta Trail through his authorship of SB 1556, which was signed into law by Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger on September 30, 2006.

Participating Diablo Valley locations.

Antioch, SaveMart, Contra Loma Blvd
Anticoh, SaveMart, East 18th St
Antioch, Lucky, Lonetree Way
Concord, Lucky, Clayton Rd
Danville, Lucky, Sam Ramon Vlly Rd
Livermore, Lucky, Portola Ave
Livermore, Lucky Holmes St
Martinez, Lucky, Arnold Dr
Oakley, Lucky, 2545 Main Street
Pleasant Hill, Lucky, Crescent Plaza
Pleasanton, Lucky, W. Loas Positas
San Ramon, Lucky, Crow Cyn Commons
San Ramon, Lucky, San Ramon Blvd

A $10 entry fee entitles you to play against other contestants in either a Beginner or Advanced Bracket. $50 Best Buy gist certificate for winner of Beginner Bracket, and $100 Best Buy certificate for winner of Advanced Bracket. All proceeds from entry fee go directly to STAND.

Phase I of the project will provide the Parking Services Unit of the Concord Police Department data regarding space utilization. Information from the sensors about utilization and length of stay will provide valuable usage information to the Concord Police Department and City officials as they make decisions about parking policies and development in the area. The survey service is designed to electronically monitor the handicapped and short-term spaces around the plaza on a 24/7 basis, enabling Concord Police Department officials to access real-time and historical reports of space usage.

Phase II of the project will provide parking enforcement capabilities. The enforcement service described in this proposal will help maximize the efficiency of the Police Department’s parking services officer(s) by eliminating the need for tire chalking in the short-term spaces. This should ultimately result in better turnover of downtown parking and improved adherence to time limits.