In a surprise move, President Obama today signed a Presidential Order requiring all citizens to wear Nike baseball cleats; it will be unlawful to wear any other kind of shoe.
Obama’s press secretary Robert Gibbs, said the president was sure that such a drastic move would be welcomed by the American people who were ready to get to work to save the nation.
“The President is confident that not only will the mandatory cleat rule create a more equal and classless society, it will also be a more fashionable one.
“Unlike the custom in China that binds the feet of its people, the President wants Americans to be able to really dig in as they get to work rebuilding the economy.”
When asked by reporters how this will affect Obama’s jump shot, Gibbs replied that the President is tired of hearing the unceasing squeaking of old gangster basketball shoes on the hardwood and it is time for a change. Gibbs added that wearing cleats would make the President’s pickup games of hoops with his secret service detail more interesting as well as improve his sky hook.
Insurance companies, and HMOs expressed concern about the possible impact on increased claims as office workers might fall while shuffling on marbled floors to elevators in high-rise commercial buildings. Commercial rug installers were ecstatic over the coming boom for their carpet replacement divisions.
Meanwhile, traders on Wall Street tried to corner the market on shoe laces with complicated default swap financial mechanisms, while the fashion industry in New York and LA, said they would offer a high-heeled version of the cleat this coming Fall.
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To the Editor:
President Obama signed the shoe edict because so many people have bad souls.
Heel thyself.
Richard S. Colman
Orinda, CA
April 1, 2009